Guys, it’s the first weekend of the semester, and while we know you’re excited to hit the ground running with the year’s first real frat party, we have compiled twenty important rules to live by for this week’s frat party. The following are things you should never do at a college fraternity party -
1. Show up with your girlfriend
2. Drive there
3. Expect to understand the house beer pong rules
4. Show up wearing that Hollister hemp choker necklace ensemble your ex-girlfriend from high school gave you as an anniversary present
Note: If you have failed to follow rule #1 please refer to rules 5-7, if not proceed to rule #8
5. Leave a room without your girlfriend
6. Leave a room without your drink
7. Leave a room without your girlfriends drink
8. Hit the bong that’s being carried around by the guy wearing a Doctor Suess hat that everyone keeps calling, “The Munch”.
9. Again… See Number 1.
10. Hook up with that chick that your friend just told you before the party started has syphilis
11. Take that third shot of tequila
12. Get in a chugging contest with anyone named Thor or Smitty
13. Take that sixth kamikaze shot
14. Expect to actually remember who that chick was your friend told you before the party started has syphilis
15. Show up with your morals
16. Expect to leave with your morals intact
17. Expect to not to have contracted syphilis after hooking up with that chick that your friend told you just before party has syphilis…seriously dude, he told you like three or four times not to hook up with her and you did it anyway
18. Eat that piece of pizza you just found underneath the bar, no matter how hungry you are after hanging out with “The Munch” (see Rule 8 for further detail)
19. Expect to find your cell phone or find it with the menu still presented in English
20. Expect the graphic sexual statements and intricate portraits of male genitalia drawn all over your body in permanent marker to come off with anything not potent enough to remove paint
That’s about it! Follow all of these rules precisely and you’ll have a great time tonight!
Guard these rules with your life
