You Know You’re a College Hipster If…

We’ve all seen ‘em. Walking around campus with a holier-than-thou attitude, looking down on all of us who simply “don’t understand.” Hipsters - the name itself conjures up the most pretentious of images. Perhaps scruffy guys with horn-rimmed glasses refusing to laugh, or the faux-philosophers tacking on a “post” to every “ism” they mention. Their irony protects them, and they even have a certain non-threatening charm. However, they’re still the group we like to hate… that is until we become one of them ourselves. If you’re worried that you might be a hipster, here are a few helpful indicators to look out for.

You know you’re a college hipster if…

• The obscure band you like somehow has Reagan, elephants and vacuum  in its name. “You mean, you’ve never heard of the Vacuum of Reagan Elephants?”
• You quote Nietzsche ironically
• You’re so postmodern that you refuse to call yourself anything, but being whatever is the point. Get it? I didn’t think so.
• You only drink free-trade coffee, and only have sex with people who drink free-trade coffee.
• You’re not gay, but also not straight. What are they but labels anyway?
• You’re for alternative energy because you like anything alternative.
• You prefer Gustav Klimt’s earlier paintings to his later ones.
• You don’t agree with anything; just find things either interesting or ignorant.
• Your shoes were imported from Europe because American shoes just don’t do it for you.
• You’re skinnier than the 25 cigarettes you smoke a day.
• You like documentaries that deal with little impoverished groups in Asia or Africa, and then like bemoaning their stories to your friends.
• You like your t-shirt of Che Guevara wearing a Che Guevara t-shirt.
• You like starting every conversation with, “I was reading an article in the Times the other day…”
• You think third wave feminism was so 2008.
• You have the time to know what the word “obstreperous” means.
• You hate going home on vacations because you hate your parents despite the fact that they fund and enable your pseudo-education and life as a hipster.

No, we're not cool. We're hipsters.

Tagged as: che guevara, college douche, college hipster, College Humor, hipster, nietzsche