The media has had flashing red lights and bomb sirens on 24/7 as they continue to incite panic in preparation for the coming swine flu season which will apparently strike the country like the Black Plague.
As the flashing lights may suggest, you too need to prepare for the coming apocalypse. Here is a basic guide to ensure that you are ready to take on what comes your way.
- Build a Moat
Surrounding your frat or sorority house with a moat is a great way to keep those that are already infected out of your home because, as everyone knows, swine flu victims whine too much to swim.
It would also be wise to add a little Clorox bleach into your moat water so as to avoid an infected person sneezing into it and infecting the vicious hybrid dogs that will undoubtedly be patrolling the area.
- Suit Up
When exiting your fortress of solitude, make sure to dress for success. A simple Haz-Mat suit ought to protect you from the snot nosed little kids that will be attacking your knee tendons (that is what swine flu victims crave, no explanation has been offered by the Center for Disease Control) but knee pads help.
- Strap Up
Should a group of infected second-graders cross your path and create a showdown situation, you will need to be armed to the toes. An anti-bacterial spray to the eyes usually does the trick but keeping a BBQ lighter and some Axe spray on hand will get you out of those really stick situations.
- Don’t Forget The Antidote
Take the time you have until the epidemic begins to load up on the antidote, even if you do not get infected, you can make a ton of cash selling it on the flu market.
One packet of DayQuil and NyQuil will do the trick and thensome.
What not to do to protect yourself from swine flu
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That picture is awesome!