Most guys think they can pull off a one night stand with some slutty girl from a sorority but it isn’t as simple as it looks in the movies. All too many times a potential one night stand results in you living in the same apartment with the same girl with the same job for thirteen years while your three kids slowly gray your hair. Don’t fall into the trap. Follow this guide and you can still have that one great night without lifetime of misery.
Remember, just like proctologists, it is important to choose wisely.
This cannot be stressed enough. Most guys think that they can get any girl to sleep with them on any given night only to come home to a loving bottle of hand cream.
If you happen to know that a certain girl has been passed around more than a joint at Snoop Dogg’s house, make sure you brought some reliable condoms and go for it. Prior information, preferably from an acquaintance who has already tasted the fruits of victory or an ugly school rumor, is your best friend. Gonorrhea isn’t your best friend, however, so make sure that you can differentiate the difference between slutty and infested.
Most guys will be going into a party or bar without any prior information and will be scanning the place for the best bet. Here are some things to look out for.
Clue #1: Skin is In
The more skin a girl is showing, the more likely she is willing to shred the remaining two inches of clothing that is covering nothing but the bare minimum. Badly. This girl will be easy to spot as your eyes will dart towards her as soon as you walk into the room.
Exceptions: The tease is the girl that walks around like a perfectly available girl only to keep wagging her poorly clothed ass in your face and making you her bitch. Beware the tease or risk spending your graduation money on a diamond necklace.
Clue #2: Whale Watching
The whale tail, a girl’s thong peeking out of her pants or skirt, is society’s way of saying that she is all yours. You know you’re golden if you spot a tramp stamp, a tattoo on the small of a girl’s back, right above the whale tail.
Exceptions: None.
Clue #3: Impaired Judgment
There is nothing that has gotten more people laid than alcohol. When scanning a room, the girl that is using the wall to support herself is the one that you want to be approaching.
Exceptions: Don’t take her home before she has puked and chomped down a handful of Altoids.
Clue #4: The Last Resort
If you have been unsuccessful in finding just the right girl for your devious plans, it may be time to lower your standards. Chug a few drinks and put on those beer goggles. It is up to you if you want to spend the night with the desperate ugly chick or your right hand.
Exceptions: At some point, ugly girls get this idea in their head that they do not sleep with guys because they are “looking for the right guy.” Right. Look out for this dummy and let her be to spend a lifetime looking for the right one before ultimately settling down to a marriage with a guy who looks like Liza Minnelli.
Don't dress like Apolo Ohno
